Who else is with me when I say this time of year is THE BEST! All of the pumpkins, the fall scented candles and the spooky movies! Ugh, gives me so much life!
I want to soak up all things October and halloween, so this year I decided to make a checklist and make sure I LIVE IT UP! Don't worry, I am also including a download link for you to use it as well! But, before we jump into that, I wanted to give you all a little life update since I haven't posted in a while (p.s. I've missed you all so, so much).
Mental Health + Life Update
Just to give you all a brief overview of the beginning of my mental health taking a wrong turn, let's go back a few months ago. In May of this year, I graduated college and was so ready for the next phase of my life! I had even decided to jump all into content creation and blogging before the semester had even ended. I knew it was what I wanted to do, so I knew I had to fight for the life I wanted! I felt so excited for this big decision and my heart was so happy, but sadly it was a much different experience when telling people that. At all of the end-of-semester events in my college, I had people coming up to me left and right and asking me about life. I kept being faced with the questions of "What's next for you," "What grad school did you apply to," "Have you found a job yet," and it was so exhausting. When I told people what I had planned for myself, I got some pretty confused faces. One of my friend's mother even asked me "what do you mean," and I remember my gut feeling uneasy and I instantly got anxious. I started dreading every time I would be around people because I knew I would have to face it all over again. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand that my path is different and not a lot of people understand that, but it didn't take away from the mental toll that it was placing on my shoulders. I started asking myself if I made a wrong decision or if I should just go to grad school? Should I just start lying to people and say that I'm taking some time off so that way I didn't have to explain my actual goals? Was my choice a wrong one? The list of what was going on in my head goes on and on and I eventually ended up avoiding not only friends, but also my professors and staff members that I was close to at my school. I just couldn't bare to be looked at differently again. I couldn't bare to answer another question about "what's next" and have to explain myself to people (which I should have never had to do in the first place). This ultimately led to me feeling down and less of myself. Typically, I am a happy person, silly, and like to put smiles on people's faces... but all that Becca was no longer someone I had the strength to be anymore.
After graduation I thought things would get better. I thought I would be able to create my own space and since summer was here, I would have time to focus on self-care and soak up some sun while doing so! That's exactly what I had planned for myself, but unfortunately it didn't happen that way. I had my routine to where I would wake up, check my to-do list, and then get started with creating content, taking photos, jumping on stories, editing, sending emails, and working on other little projects. One day, I woke up a couple weeks after graduation and realized what once made me happy to jump out of bed and start my day was making me want to just pull the blankets over my head and stay there. Even though I was in my own element, something just wasn't adding up. So, I tried to pull back a little and not give myself so much to do and enjoy the summer! I started hanging out with friends and getting out a little, but my "fix" was far from working. I started feeling guilty and anxious that I wasn't at home getting work done. I felt bad that I was out having fun and living my life. I was so confused that on both ends (working on content or not) I still just didn't feel like myself and my anxiety was the worst it had been in a long time. I found myself filled with not only anxiety, but confusion, sadness, anger and stress. I was overwhelmed and not handling it very well.
A couple weeks went by and I found myself a part-time job. Since it was in the realm of social media and content creation, I actually felt myself spark a bit of joy in my heart... something I hadn't felt in a while. I told myself that maybe now I wouldn't feel so guilty and anxious and that it would help me get into a healthy schedule. At first, I allowed myself some time to adjust and wasn't focusing on my own brand and business as much. However, yet again something felt off and another spike with my anxiety occurred, only this time it started effecting my sleep and what was mental started to become physical.
I can't explain everything that happened or what I was exactly feeling, but what I do know is that I allowed myself to run on fumes (one- from 4 years of college and not giving myself a break and two- not giving myself time in the beginning) and my mental health took the biggest hit it had taken in years. I didn't give myself time and I let other people's opinions get to my head. I pushed and pushed until I couldn't anymore and I never gave myself time to figure out what was happening. So, after sitting down with my husband (who always has my back and my comfort zone) and crying for what felt like hours, I knew for the sake of not only my mental, but also physical health, that I needed a break. I needed to give myself time to just focus on myself, my mental health, on finding balance, on finding peace, but mainly... finding that happy girl I use to be before all of this hit.
I did a lot of self-centering, found workouts that helped me, I started eating better (bye, bye cookies every night) and I started talking about my feelings more to my husband and friends. I didn't post on my blog and Instagram for a while, but I missed it so much that I still popped on the app from time to time to keep up with people I truly care about and show them some love! I listened to podcasts, started watching inspirational videos, and spending time doing what made me happy and with who made me happy. I even talked to a fellow blogger who really helped shift my mindset and for that I am forever grateful. Slowly but surely, I started feeling like myself again and finding clarity and I now can say I am back to being the happy Becca that I so badly missed!
You see, I now know that my guilty feeling was because I didn't know how to balance my work and time with blogging and content creation. I use to think "I have this amazing opportunity to chase my dreams, but if I'm not constantly working then I am a failure" (which couldn't be farther from the truth). I put this immense pressure on my shoulders because I thought I had to post every day, I had to do whatever everyone else was doing, but most importantly I had to prove the people that made me feel less of myself wrong! I took that and did things in an unhealthy way. I still want to prove those people wrong, but I know now that I should only use that as motivation in a healthy way to push myself... not exhaust myself. I know now that small steps everyday add up to big steps and that not everything happens over night. I know now that I need to surround myself with those who accept, support, and love me and focus on them! But most of all, I know now that I need to take it easy on myself and that I am doing the best I can each day. I am showing up with a smile on my face and putting my heart into what I do. Instead of telling myself "you aren't doing enough," I now tell myself "I am enough."
I know that was a lot (phew, I feel like I have been typing forever haha), but it means a lot to me that you took the time to read this! I don't want pity or attention... all I want is to be able to help someone who may need it. Even if it's one person, then that is all I could ask for. It is so important to learn your boundaries as a person and to make sure you're paying attention to your mental health, but also to know that not being okay, is okay! We all have our ups and downs, we are human... but having the strength to reach out for help and do what you need to find yourself again, is one of the strongest things you can do! I am always here for you and cheering you on! If I can do it, you can do it too!
Who is ready for ALL things halloween and fall?? I know I am! Lately I have been keeping up with my October checklist to make sure I am soaking up everything this time of year! From pumpkin patches to candy apples, I have to do it all. If you're like me, or if you need some ideas on what festivities to do this time of year, then make sure you download yourself a copy of my October checklist down below! Go jump in those leaves and grab yourself a pumpkin spice latte because time has been flying by so fast that it'll be over before you know it!
Thank you so much for taking the time to spend a little bit of your day with me! I love you all so much and I will talk to you in my next post!
You can also find me here!